Godspeed

Is God for real?

I grew up in a Catholic upbringing. I was born into a Catholic Family- mom’s Catholic, Dad’s Catholic, everybody’s Catholic. However, the family isn’t really that staunchly religious except for my lola on my father’s side (she’s about 80) and one of my titas (who’s about 60).

Relatives say a miracle once happened in my room. The house we are staying in now used to be the house of my grandparents; it’s where my dad was born. Now, it’s just us- my Dad’s family- who live there. Our relatives say that my room was once my lola’s room where she once saw rose petals falling from “heaven” through a ray of light coming through the window. It was probably a miracle of the Virgin Mary since she was and still is a devout Marian.

A hundred decades later, the only miracles happening in this room are me cleaning it up, and me not messing up the entire space- which are unfortunately the same.

My question is: Was my lola’s rose petal miracle real? More so, are all the miracles we’ve been hearing about all these years true?

I am now at a state of confusion when it comes to the Divine (not ZsaZsa Padilla, mind you). I guess I’ve just become too much of a realist over the past year that the validity of something that exists “out there” or “in the heavens”- something greater than all of us, something that cannot be proven by reason nor science- is something that I now find hard to believe.

When I say “realist”, I mean this attitude that “I would only believe things that I actually see around me; things I could touch, feel, and hear.” And unless its’ something tangible or something proven as a fact, it’s something that may just be phony.

Friends who had a similar Catholic upbringing were shocked when they heard me explaining this personal view on God. I say: “Heck, if we really are a free society, we should all be open to the fact that we don’t think alike.”

Catholic Schools cannot guarantee the same effect on all its students. Some of us grew up in families where Sunday Obligations are seen as a weekly affair. I, on the other hand, have mostly been left to my own decision-making; giving me time to ponder if going to Church every Sunday actually makes sense.

Religion is about faith: “We don’t see God. We just need to have faith that He exists.”

I still believe in Jesus the Man because His existence was proven by history with hard-known facts. More so, I remain a huge fan of His goodness and unconditional love.

But whenever I go to Church, I see mostly hypocrites. Yes there are some who go to hear the word of God, leave Church and try their best to follow Jesus’ good examples. I know that this bunch still exists, and I respect them whole-heartedly. On the other pew, I know and sense that the rest are just dressed and pretending to listen- in one ear, out the next.

My stand is that unless you could actually live a life sincerely following Christ’s examples, don’t even dare showing up in Church. That is something I know I can’t do, so I’d rather be the realist that I am than be the hypocrite that most people are.